Doctor’s Diagnosis

img_8750Where and how to start?

First of all,  thank you for all your prayers, support, encouragement, cheering me up and all the good stuff! My doctor gave me his “final diagnosis” couple weeks ago and on the 28th he made it more “legit” in writing after I had some tests.

I’ve been wanting to cry but I can’t, I do have some tears here and there but Gio makes me laugh and when he hugs me or holds my hand I put myself together and continue. I don’t focus on the diagnosis because God is bigger and better! You see, I’m not sharing to feel bad for me or for pitty or to scare you. I’m sharing this to encourage you to believe, to pursue, to have faith, to encourage you, to fight, to be a warrior and not to give up or quit.

I am not sugar coating anything, I do get scare sometimes and I do get  sad, discourage, hopeless but I don’t stay there too long. Plus many people pray for me and I do feel the prayers. That’s when I get up and continue to press in, God reminds me of his plans for my life, for my destiny, he sends me his kisses when I need them the most and I do believe this is not the end because I have a destiny!

I have this man in my life who I love very much and he loves me very much (I hope😁) Sometimes I wonder if I’m taking the right decision to keep him around and I feel I should let him be free and happy with someone healthy than me and not let him suffer along with me. Right?! But I’m wrong, he makes me so happy and without him probably I wouldn’t be the same person I am now. He always makes sure I’m smiling and we do have fun our humor is one of a kind. I’ve never felt this happy and the way he makes me feel, it’s something that I am enjoying every day just to let be loved. He is amazing just the way he takes care of me and he looks into my eyes and I forget the pain I feel!

This can’t be the end Why?! God healed me once and he can do it again. I met this man and makes me happy. God always gives and NEVER takes away. God always turns bad things into greater and better. God NEVER gives you bad things or illness. One thing I know is HE gave you the whole package at the cross! As for me, I keep believing in the manifestation of his glory in me! I keep believing in a miracle! I will keep walking in faith! I will be a conquer because I am victorious and not a victim! Let HIS will be done, here on earth as it is in heaven!!!

 

Cancer in the Outdoors – Camping and Hiking Experience

I’ve never been camping in my life before and somewhere on July I was sitting next to Gio and he says pick a day so I picked Oct. 6 then he says that’s the day we are going camping. I was surprised and little worried because my health hasn’t been good at that point with cancer and started new treatment on September 23. My goal was to mark that trip out of my bucket list….

The day came to packed and buy food to take. Then the day came to get on the road, to see this beautiful farms and corn fields. I like to be on the road because you get to see nature at it’s the best, I love the quietness and peace this brings to my soul. I like to admire the blue sky, the shinny sun lightning and bringing out the gold on the field and green grass. Enjoying empty roads going up and down and then you see the cows, horses and trees. Just enjoying the wind blowing on your face and hair.

We got to our destination, we set up our sleeping bags and take everything out of the car to start the amazing camping weekend. I was eager to go for a hike, Gio says you want to go for a walk and I said yes! This is what I came for….We went for an hour hike and going up a hill my breathing was rough. I was huffing and puffing at 7 minute hike I was about to give up. I was saying to myself I can do it, I want to experience all this….I did it and I was sweating, couldn’t catch my breath but I kept going. We came back from our hike had food and we sat around the fire, talking and relaxing.

The next day we had campfire coffee and I had some dry mangos and beef jerky, then we went off for a long hike. Gio asked me “Are you ok with going here and here?”. I said “that’s why I’m here”, so we hiked and I was taking deep breaths just so I don’t ended up coughing. I was behind Gio the whole time, not like far away but very close to him. Which at the pace Gio walks/hike I’m very proud of myself for not stopping at all other than to see the top overlook. We saw a deer, a blue bird, a robin, we saw butterflies different colors and the awesome nature. I loved to see leafs, mud, branches, rocks, trees, etc. After a 2 hour something hike, I was ok and went to just lay down and the pain started(cancer/treatment pain). I was moving around and it didn’t go away, so I decided to get up and we ate food. Later we had s’mores and it was delicious! We burnt all the wood we had then we went to sleep.

Overall, I would love to do it again!! Camping and hiking are checked on my bucket list. I really enjoyed been out with the man I love and nature. I will so do it again, yes I said it! I will do it all over again many times in different places. I am proud of myself for doing those hikings and camping. I’m happy Gio never made me give up and he didn’t try to stop me from hiking or made me go back. I’m very thankful to have him and encouraging me to keep going, because we were climbing up and if he didn’t say “it’s almost over” I wouldn’t do it and just quit (by the way, it was not even almost over) his support makes me feel so blessed! He made sure I eat first before him and that is so nice from him to do and even think of me first! So if I would love to encourage you to do things you love, you used to do and/or would like to do. Nothing should stop you from be a powerful warrior. Go and enjoy life to the fullness(says the one with cancer) if I can do it, you can also do it and more!!

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Doctor’s Apointment

Today I went to the doctor and my blood count is good but red cells need to be a little bit up. Cancer cells are like gremlins so I have my liver and kidneys been tested and checked (results in 3-4 business days) Doctor was surprised I can still walk and still standing, I said well because I want to live and I will fight for my life and God has a plan for me so I am holding to HIS promises!

Now get this….I was offered to be in a hyperbaric chamber which is oxygen therapy of course with some side effects but I still have time to think about it….probably I’ll say yes since my doctor is safe and I trust him😒😊 it will help me with my skin, tissues, etc.

September 23 will be the day to drug me up and hit me with sessions of chemo, radiation and I’m ready for it! Keep me in your prayers for strength, peace, healing, no side effects and all the good things you can think of or more likely what your Heavenly Father wants you to pray for it. I know God has my back and I’m so thankful for HIM to be with me all the time, for preparing me for all this and to punch cancer in the butt because without HIM I wouldn’t do it 😊 God healed me before and I know HE will do it again! Meantime I will rest in HIM and I’ll let HIM hold me in HIS arms and to comfort me like always plus have long conversations.

My arm candy Gio is at Yosemite backpacking, campin and experiencing his dream come true! I’m so happy for him and I’m very proud of him, I can’t wait to see him. Of course I miss him so much, he always makes me laugh and makes me so happy! Plus he needed this so he can come and take care of me after my treatments (hahaha just kidding) I’m happy and blessed to have my spiritual parents Alex and Marisol who they always take care of me (unless they are busy) that’s when hopefully Gio will come along 😄😁 love you all!!

and that’s all folks!! Blessings to you all!! ❤️

No Crying But Happy

Well….I haven’t had a chance to process and/or have any reaction/emotions and I don’t think it’s healthy in a way but I’ve been so happy with Gio so ain’t got time for that lol! I think I’m scare not knowing what’s going to happen because no one knows, see doctors can tell you the basics which are:

“you might lose your hair, you might feel tired, you might feel nausea, you might have skin rash, you might have headaches, you only have a year to a year and a half to live, etc.”

You see they never tell you what really happens because they don’t know. I’ve had chemo and radiation before and it’s more of what they tell you, it’s awful the pain the process the side effects and yes everyone is different.  I can only rely on God, prayers, hope and faith! God will give me the strength to pick up my weapons and fight, I need to awake the warrior in me and rise up!

Some of you know everything I’ve been through my whole life and I’m still standing, smiling, happy, living life joyful, compassionate, encourage people and minister to people. I do give all even in the pain but when I do it it’s not about me but God! I give all my praises to HIM who loves me so much and I give all the glory to HIM! As I’m typing this I’m ministering to myself without noticing and I feel how my hope is rising up. I really hope when you read this you can chose joy and whatever it’s going on in your life you trust in God and you’ll see how everything will fall into place and by the way laugh. It’s not wrong to be happy and joyful in any situation. Trust me in my situation I make fun of it (some think it’s morbid) but come on I have to laugh at something right?!

I babysit 3 adorable kiddos who they keep me going and yes even in pain when they hug me, when they kiss me, when they smile at me all the pain goes away. They sure bring so much joy in my life, I love them so much and every moment I have with them I am the most blessed person ever. Some days they wore me out (hahaha) and then I’m on my way home exhausted but very well worth it. I can’t wait to see them all grown up (yes, I said it) and share with them my story well our story😊

I can’t wait to be done with this cancer once and for all! I want to share my life with Gio and live life together, travel, camping, backpacking, grow old together, enjoy every moment! I want to see the 77+ churches planted, I want to see Chicago without violence, I want to see everything I never imagine to see! Now let’s do this…..

 

 

 

 

New Update

After sharing the results of the biopsy with family and close friends. I realized I didn’t update here or at any social media?!! So…..
The cancer has metastasize started colon, lymph nodes and breast. New treatment is on the way in couple of weeks, then mastectomy, then if this treatment doesn’t work means it’s uncontrollable (means that’s it) I still have hope in a way, I’ve been kind of numbing this news for awhile. I might have some tears here and there but then I put myself together and I’m normal again. Am I scare? Heck yes! Sometimes I speak in fear with the one I love (Gio) then his love and support makes me keep him around hehehe! He doesn’t care how I would look outside! 
God said “I won’t have limitations and it’s not my time yet.” I do believe it because I mean, he doesn’t lie to us. He loves us so much that he gave his own son for us. So I do trust he will turn things around for good, now if for whatever reason something happens. I still love him, I will believe in his perfect love, I will trust him and I will praise him always and forever! God sent me someone who truly loves me for who I am not for what I can give, I remember always saying no I won’t date, I won’t fall in love and I won’t get married (joke’s on me) Then Gio came along and what a great man he is…..he always make me smile, laugh, happy, he takes really good care of me and I’ve never seen that before (I still need to get used to it) I am very truly blessed and I have so much joy even in the midst. I am so grateful to God for not paying attention to what I said before lol! Thank you Gio for being truly, kind, honest, man of honor, funny, for loving me very much, for the respect you show me, I know there’s more to say and there are no words to express that! Love you very much (see? How much he loves us he wants good things for us)
Back to “process the news” I might need to watch a sad movie or something lol! Not really, I don’t need that but I do feel like yes I need to cry and weep but then I don’t have to go through that, right? Why if I’m happy right now and well I feel different emotions and I think it’s normal in a way? But yes I do need to cry I just haven’t had a “chance” I feel like I’m trap under water and I can’t get out. Sorry if this sounds contradicted but I’m just sharing my feelings. Well when the time comes for me to cry, I’ll keep in mind not to stay there for too long! 

And that’s all folks!!

Cancer Again?

Just so everyone who is reading this be advised I’m not a professional writer and definitely not a basic one. There won’t be punctuation, commas, etc. I’m writing as who I am, thank you for understanding…

On 2015 second time I’m diagnosed with cancer again and this time is colon cancer. I asked why?! But I don’t have an answer and no one knows. So there I am debating from the beginning to do everything all over again, I mean come on! It’s like starting from zero or going way backwards instead of forward. When I finally decided yes to this journey after few months passing by and well yes I did let it pass. I had surgery on December 2015 and they removed 8 inches of my colon then after they open me up doctor says it went to my inner wall and lymph nodes. He says chemo will be best for you, so I accept and you know feels like you are getting into a relationship with someone annoying and obnoxious who well in a way you have to accepted no matter what! Everything was ok and I didn’t lose my hair (this time) then I had tumor markers and from December til April went from 700 to 100 and until this day July there hasn’t been any changes at all. (I’m skipping this part until I speak with my spiritual parents first then it will continue……) 

So here I am tired, exhausted, hopeless and not the usual me for sure. Last year I had a very rough year and as I was strong and still standing to be honest I wasn’t….I fell into spending time just in bed waking up to work come home and sleep. Then the news I have cancer! Then I meet this wonderful man who I fell in love with and he is amazing in every way, now I wasn’t expecting this because I always reject even the thought of been in love or be with someone in the future because I’ve been hurt so many many times. Anyways, I can’t say his name but I really do love him and I always think why he loves me? Why to deal with my issues? I mean he could find someone healthy and better, Why me? Again no answers but I know I do love him very much and I wouldn’t change the happiness, laughter, joy he brings in my life. He means so much to me.  Then this same year I lost someone very dear to me, my sister, my friend, my encourager, my warrior, my hero Teri. She past away from cancer and something shut down inside of me. She was an amazing woman of God even in her midst of pain she was always asking for me, she always make sure I was ok and we encouraged each other! She always talked about taking me to her house and go in her swimming pool this summer. I do miss her so much and I do feel in a way alone in this journey.  

Last month I’ve decided to stop treatment and stop taking all the medications, I am really tired! I got really sick with an infection and took me about a week to recover and still I wasn’t well…..I normally in a day or maybe 2 I used to recover and get up and go but when I had this fever, infection, swelled lymph nodes and took more than a week to recover I knew I have no more strength physically and emotionally, I knew chemo was kicking my butt and cancer too since I puked blood. Now see I have loved ones around me, church family, Facebook people and even here who keep me in prayer and I appreciate each and everyone of you but I still feel alone in a way, no one really knows the pain cancer caused me, the pain treatment causes, the pain in my gut, the emotional pain, the physical pain and definitely the pain of not knowing when this will end. People often say “eat something even if you don’t want to” but you see it’s not easy even when I try! When I do eat I really do eat, I lost weight and I don’t like it because it’s like I’m loosing this battle. Some food does stay in my tummy some don’t and when I finally find that one food that I can keep whatever it is…I hear a response like “but you can’t eat this, you’re not supposed to, you’re going to pay it later, or I don’t want to hear you are in pain later.” I do know people say it with the best intentions and they want the best for me and to take care of me but I mean if this is the only thing I can keep why not eating it? Why not feeling like a healthy normal person for a few minutes? It’s like you belong with the cool people. 

I always say cancer doesn’t make me feel like this but the treatment and all the medications does! Let me explain a little bit more, ever since I started treatment everything went down the drain! Treatment made my red cells very low and that made me exhausted even walking and I was always tired that caused me to have someone else’s blood(nothing against it) Then treatment made me loose more weight because of all the puking and no food intake not even water and that caused me to dehydrate so there I am with a bag of liquids stick in an IV. Then the burning sensation when I get chemo which by the way I started to panic so they gave me a sedative and well every time I go for treatment that’s what they give me before getting poked and other meds. Then dry skin, dry mouth and it does affect my nervous system like feeling and sensations specially on the tip of the fingers, oh and let’s not forget the awful headaches! Sometimes I can’t sleep and I’m tossing and turning then I get cold sweats and let’s not forget the cold sores. Oh boy, now that definitely makes you not wanting to eat specially spicy food hahaha(little humor here)  

Well I just wanted to shared, vent, or I don’t know what else to call it and I will update what’s going on with me in this journey and well any journey……

Yesterday’s 3rd Round of Chemo

I was all ready for my chemo, I had blood work and take it like a man, guess what? my body didn’t like it. Very rough chemo, after 5-10 minutes with the chemo IV felt a very hot heat starting at my chest, then my heart seemed to pound a bit, and the heat then moved up into my face but only about half way up. Then my stomach just started knotting up and I felt as if I were going to be sick. Luckily the nurses were right there, but I wretched like 3 times and they stopped the chemo. Things then calmed down, had to pee (of course) and then I just felt like I had really bad gas pains. They gave me a bag of Benedryl and a bag of Adavan then resumed the chemo. It was fine after that, except I was completely doped up at that point. They said this will not happen again – is this true? Had more blood work after chemo, chest x rays, headaches, throw up, lot of bone and joint ache and slept must of the time plus nosebleed. Right now as I’m typing this I’m in pain BUT I’ve been praying and I know GOD will take this pain away and I’ll be cancer free in his time all I do is trust in HIM, HIS love and WORDS:-)

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:10-18